Vulnerabilities

Travelling alone to an unfamiliar country means constantly being confronted by your own vulnerability.

As a woman, it's sometimes just not possible for you to exist in your own skin because it might not be safe. 

You have to think about how you dress, where you walk, who you choose to talk to, and work through what feels like a million other mini risk assessments everyday.

It's a skill you need to practise like any other, but the stakes can be pretty high if you get it wrong.

I love exploring, getting under the skin of a place and interacting with people, but I'm learning to trust my instincts because the creeping feeling of dread when you've misjudged something is awful.

I'm hugely conflicted; on the one hand, I want to walk through the world boldly and fearlessly with my head held high, and on the other there's the knowledge that some women travellers don't make it home unscathed, or at all.

I'm reflecting on this because today I met my friend, Emily, at Cartagena airport, so I'm no longer alone. 

As we explored this new city together, one that has a more relaxing, more 'touristy' vibe than Medellin, I felt some of the tension of the past couple of days melt away.

As women, we share the pressure of being responsible for our own physical safety but we all have our own personal vulnerabilities too.

I have an appalling sense of direction. I get lost all the time and I have zero confidence in my ability to navigate or remember how to get back from where I came from. 

At home, I laugh this off, but when travelling I have to take it more seriously, so for example, I checked the directions for a five minute walk from my hostel to the metro station three times with a patient yet somewhat bemused receptionist. 

Emily told me she didn't mind me sharing that when she travels alone, her mind is buzzing with a constant stream of unhelpful anxious thoughts about where her passport is or if she's in the right place at the airport.

It seems like along with our backpacks, we're all bringing some extra baggage away with us. A good travel companion can help to lighten the load.

For Emily, travelling with me means her head is a much calmer place. And when I'm with her, I know that she knows the way home.

We may bring our vulnerabilities with us on the journey, but we bring our strengths too.